Kids Say The Darndest Things Might Have Made Me Laugh, But This Video Tops The Show’s Best

Updated April 20, 2017

As any parent to a toddler will tell you, their kids say and do some pretty strange things. Like parrots, they pick up what parents say and repeat them verbatim. While this can be terrifying if the toddler repeats something embarrassing, other times it is hilarious.

Below, parents shared the most bizarre and horrifying things their toddlers have said in their presence. The submissions were contributed to Daily Mail. Perhaps not surprisingly, many parents shared thigs their toddlers said about alcohol.

Scroll down to read some funny quotes from toddlers across the world:

When one child went into his dental appointment, he revealed something that made the dentist very concerned.

“My 5-year-old told his dentist he loves whiskey & coke.” Good thing the dentist trusted the parent.

Sunday school is a time for children to learn about God and Jesus. But when asked what his dad does for work, the boy’s response is telling: “When asked in Sunday school what does your daddy do for a living, my son said, “my dad drinks beers and pees on trees.”

Other parents tried in vain to make sense of their toddler’s nonsensical sentences: “My 3-½-year-old told my husband his ‘vagina looked like a hot dog.’”

Children pick up on how their parents act: “My 3-year-old yelled out, ‘I need an ice cold beer’ in a restaurant.” Mom had no idea why her toddler demanded beer.

Other times toddlers say something in pure innocence that leaves parents more embarrassed than when they peed themselves on the school bus: “Enjoying telling everyone including his pediatrician that ‘mom is teaching him to smoke leaves’ (I taught him how to burn holes with a magnifying glass).”

Another mom dealt with an equally embarrassing situation: “We were sitting down at dinner out of the blue my 6-year-old tells us ‘hey mommy & daddy did you know when you kiss a girl your wee-wee gets bigger’ ahhh!”

Other parents catch their toddlers in ridiculous situations: “I once came home to my 4 year old son butt naked peeing all over his toy dinosaurs because ‘they were thirsty.’”

“My 2.5-year-old pooped in the potty but wanted “privacy”. After she told me she didn’t need to be wiped. When I asked her what she used, she showed me a blanket, hand towel, and rainboot. Awesome…”

Another mom almost had to discuss the birds and the bees: “My 3-year-old Lydia came at me waving a tampon. Me: “Lydia, why do you have a tampon?” Lydia: “He’s a lightsaber. I make you bleed.” If you only knew Lydia…”

“My daughter saw me get out of the shower (because I have no privacy, like ever), saw my neglected lady region and said, ‘Awwww, it’s so cute! It looks like a guinea pig!’”

Mom’s boy has already become a man: “My 4-year-old son put his plate on the counter & proudly proclaimed, ‘Well, mama, it looks like you have more dishes to do!’”

Do you remember any funny things your toddler said? How about your grandchildren?

Please SHARE YOUR HILARIOUS STORIES in the comments below now!